The 12 week scan went well, although I felt a little inadequate walking in looking completely normal – I felt I should have a big pregnant belly and be resting my hands on top of it. All the same I was excited to see what my kidney bean looked like now and how much bubs had changed in 5 weeks. I’ve been reading up on a lot on things like development of babies in the womb, and it should have proper arms and legs and a beating heart, that is if everything is ok. There could still be something drastically wrong after my threatened miscarriage. Luke is still in denial about the whole thing and I’m sure he wants there to be something wrong with the baby when I’m being scanned. I’m looking at the HIP grant (Health In Pregnancy) poster for when your 24 weeks pregnant and not convinced bubs will make it that far. My thoughts are interrupted as the sonographer calls me in. All I could see was happy couples, couples holding hands, browsing through pregnancy and baby magazines together. I know I’m probably pre-judging them, they may be as unhappy as I am right now. I’m so nervous, and it doesn’t help with the fact I really need to pee. This whole ‘have a full bladder for the scan’ thing is ridiculous, a pregnant woman needs to pee – a lot! Never mind asking the pregnant woman to come with a full to bursting bladder to be poked in the stomach repeatedly. I can’t help but wander off into my thoughts again wishing things were different between Luke and I, I wished we could be clutching each other’s hands excited to see the first proper glimpse of our baby, not sat in an awkward silence. Also I hate not knowing if my kidney bean is ok, I wish that the biggest of my worries was the scan probe making me wanting to pee, not that Luke doesn’t want this baby, and that I do. I lie down on the bed and lift my top as I’m told to reveal my tummy. I’m looking quite normal in the tummy region; I just look like I’ve eaten a big meal. I get jelled up and see arms waving at me straight away. This baby is so active! It is so strange seeing your baby wriggling around the screen, punching and kicking the fluid around it with such might and not being able to feel a thing – it’s strange as you almost have to convince yourself that what appears on the screen isn’t a film or something and that it is actually real, and it is actually going on right inside your tummy!
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The Mummy Diaries 
I’m now onto my second pregnancy and this sheer nervousness in wait for that 12 week scan does not die down!! It was very refreshing to hear the honesty in your thoughts and feelings as everyones situation isn’t as straight forward! Love reading your story! x
You are very honest about how you felt about being pregnant and the worries that come with it. Its really good to hear that everyone has these sorts of niggling worries and panics running up to the 12 week scan.
I had scan for my 3rd baby two weeks ao and wouldnt even look at the screen until they found heartbeat and knew everything looked ok so unfortunatley it doesn’t stop how many you go on to have but its still super exciting to see the little bean!
Im enjoying reading your amazing journey, just feels like we (the readers) are with you as you have been so honest and used every emotion you had, its lovely as a mum to read, its such a lovely moment when you see your little baby on the monitor 🙂
x
I wish they had bloggs when I was pregnant, I think it’s a fantastic thing to pass on to your child when they are old enough to read it, m girls ask me about my pregnancies , birth, first words ect and its really hard to remember.
Can totally relate to your story of a full bladder
xxxx Sue