I am 27, my ‘baby’ is almost three years old now. I live in Lancashire, UK with my fiancee Luke. While Luke is at work I spend my days playing and baking with my daughter Jennifer and watching Disney films! In my spare time (when Jenny is asleep and the housework is done) I write. My life hasn’t always been this good, Luke and I have been through some tough times, in fact, I spent all of my pregnancy thinking I’d raise the baby alone as a single parent. His parents are literally the worst human beings I know and made for great writing if nothing else. I used to read extracts of my diary to my friends and depending what the extract was about they would giggle or cry. It was only when reading about one particurlarly amusing incident with a girl inappropriately groping my pregnant bump in a bar and I responded to this weird gropey girl by grabing her sizable breasts that one of my friends (after spitting out her mouthful of tea) said I should type my diary out properly for others to read. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in my scibbles but it appears people are! I used to write poetry but now my new passion is my series of parenting books in diary style. My first book ‘Mummy Diaries: Pregnancy – Stumbling into the unknown’ is available now on all ebook formats.
My pregnancy book, is in three parts:
1. A true and honest account of my pregnancy in diary format. From conception, to holding my little bundle of joy in my arms.
2. My mum and friends’ pregnancy and birth stories – no two pregnancies/births are the same, so I’ve given my readers a wide variety of experiences.
3. Hints and tips section e.g. What to pack in your hospital bag, How to write a birth plan etc.
My second book is yet to be named and edited but it’s about my baby’s first year including things like breastfeeding, weaning, nappies, coping on abroad holidays. It should be available by summer 2013.. watch this space!
I went to the local hospital the check the position of my anterior placenta. My brother Josh went with me as Luke was working but I also want Josh to feel involved as he’s come a long way to be with me. At only 18 years old he has shown me that he is more responsible and thoughtful than most fully grown mature men. (The real reason he came back to the UK was because he felt a responsibility to look after me and play the role of ‘big brother’ even though he’s 6 years younger than me.) He said that the bullying behaviour of Luke’s family made his heart hurt and he had to come to my rescue. I’m so glad he’s here, he is the best brother a girl could ask for and is so sensitive to my feelings. He’s already made me feel more supported and really at ease with the whole family situation, I no longer feel outnumbered and ganged up on; I feel very wanted, reassured, loved and included. We walked to the hospital together and he wouldn’t shut up about seeing his niece, he was so excited and was asking me all sorts of questions. When we finally settled down with me on the scanning bed and him on the edge of his chair next to me we looked at each other and giggled; it felt great to be sharing such a special thing with him. The sonographer jellied my large belly and the baby filled the screen. No longer was she hidden in the corner of the screen all teeny tiny like at the 7 or 12 week scan, her head alone filled the screen! You could see that she was massive, as the sonographer moved the scan probe, only one body part could be seen at any one time. The aim of the scan was to see where my placenta was lying but they were struggling to get the exact measurements that St Marys hospital needed for my appointment there the next day, so the sonographer showed me a long probe and proceeded to put a condom on it and told me she would need to do an internal scan. Well as soon as ‘dildo cam’ had been shown to us my brother scarpered! I couldn’t see him for dust! It was a very uncomfortable feeling with ‘dildo cam’ inside me trying to view my placenta but the lady was professional and I was trying to stay calm. They finally got my measurements and I was free to leave although on leaving the room and seeing my brother in the waiting room I couldn’t help but blush!
I had a random girl in a bar toilet come up to my bump today on one of my several wee trips. She knelt down and actually groped me WITHOUT my permission, and come to think of it without any warning either. So once she got up from kneeling I groped her boobs. A lot. I think people need to understand that not everyone is all free and ok with being groped and that just because you are carrying a massive blessing of an unborn child in your tummy, it is NOT ok to touch people without asking, especially when they are strangers; it’s creepy. Even though I know my anger and response isn’t normal, I can’t help it. I’m sure it’s the hormones; I’m starting to behave like an escaped mental patient!
I am feeling the need to write about sex as it appears to be not particularly written about in the books I’ve read. Having sex is getting particularly difficult at this stage and ‘spooning’ is literally the only semi-comfortable position we have found. It is like completing an obstacle course these days and having sex like a normal couple is completely out of the question. Although I am more in the mood for sex than I ever have been, I get uncomfortable and tired very quickly. The upside is that he can’t get me pregnant! Although my body has changed so dramatically, Luke still says he fancies me but in that department I am large, tired and when the baby kicks we end up laughing and that’s kind of a mood killer! I not only feel frumpy but unkempt too, I can’t see my lady area and am paranoid that it looks like the “gardener” has been on holiday instead of mowing my lady garden. Even reaching down to shave my legs is a massive chore.
I’m struggling with new pregnancy difficulties every day. To get up off the floor I roll onto my side and then on my hands and knees then walk my hands towards my knees and from kneeling I slowly stand up – my goodness what an effort! I feel slow and heavy like I’m struggling walking through water. No matter how much I try to move quicker I’m just stuck in the mud, struggling, sweaty and out of breath and this is just doing simple tasks like getting myself ready in the morning or climbing stairs. My ribs ache, my lower back is so sore, I struggle to catch my breath and feel bruised and battered all over and inside as well as outside as my body is being stretched to the extreme. Sleeping is now impossible; I struggle getting comfy even with one pillow between my thighs another between my knees easing the extreme weight and pressure, one wedged under my swollen belly and several keeping my neck comfy. My bump is massive and I constantly underestimate the sheer size of it, I unintentionally close doors in it, stand too close to people and knock things over with it. I have to open my legs really wide when sat down to try and reach or lean forward so my bump can fit between my legs, I can’t do my shoes up or put my own socks on and I feel about 4 years old. Acid reflux, and in turn heartburn has struck majorly I’m now drinking Gaviscon like juice, and I keep a big bottle in my handbag at all times. I find the heartburn is triggered mainly by fresh orange juice and spicy foods but it can strike at any time especially when I’m lying down. Goodbye sleep, how I will miss you so.
It’s strange how complete strangers or people you hardly know feel the need to push all sorts of horrendous information on you when you didn’t ask for it. It’s happening quite a lot now. Even when you actually butt in and tell them to stop and shut up, they completely ignore you, and carry on with the battle scene tale of scalpels and forceps. And if they’re not giving me a gruesome Stephen King horror story of labour, I’ve got people coming up to me in the street and telling me I’m having a boy or I’m having a girl – point blank convinced they are correct. If I say ‘well I just don’t know yet’, they’ll scrutinise every aspect of my cravings, morning sickness (or lack of it), the way I’m ‘carrying’ my bump, assess my back fat, bum and love handles then tell me they’ve either made the right decision or change their mind and say the other gender. I’m getting a little pissed off at being looked at like I’m a piece of meat by old women who feel the need to take up 10 minutes of my time even though they know they’ll never see me again in my whole life; and even if I did recognise them in the street a year later with my bundle of joy and told them they were right (or wrong) I’d probably get told to ‘move along’ by the police for being a crazy person intimidating and aggravating the elderly.
This has got me thinking, women have an opinion on everything, especially women who are mothers; there are certain topics of conversation which trigger mass debates – especially online on the Babycentre website. Finding out the sex of a baby at the 20 week scan, pain relief to use in labour and breast or bottle feeding are amongst the most popular ones I’ve encountered so far. Some women are really vehement on their opinion, it’s a little scary.
I’m looking for feedback on my posts, I’d also love some Twitter re-tweets and shares.. follow my posts and give me any critisism be it positive or negative 🙂 may thanks xx
We went out for dinner with our good friends Becca and Richard to a local Italian restaurant and had the baby name discussion. As we were reading the menu I said that I’d like a traditional name for a girl and I like Evelyn, which can be shortened to Eve or Evie and I’d like her middle name to be Grace. There! Name chosen, that was that and on to ordering pizza, or so I thought. Luke contested saying he didn’t like the name and considering she is half his he should have some say. Now I’m very protective over my bump and as I’m carrying her, eating well, having to use the toilet ALL the time, having to push this little girl out of lady parts and stretching my tummy skin to within an inch of its life I beg to differ, but he does have a point so I hear him out! One of the first names he says is Jennifer which I immediately dismiss because he mentioned it and I’m a hormonal pregnant lady who has the right to be unreasonable at any time. But he does have a point, he has picked a name that is not only traditional, beautiful, timeless and goes with the middle name Grace, I also like the shortenings Jen and Jenny. Sorted, Jennifer Grace it is! Now on with ordering pizza!